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Monday, April 21, 2008

CHRISTIAN SINGLES TOO FREAKY FOR ME!

(From October 22, 2007)

I'm done "mixing-it-up" on the Christian singles site, BigChurch.com I just don't have the stomach for it.

I thought I could mine it for some cheap laughs, but I forgot a lesson learned a long time ago-- there are no "cheap" laughs. Like junk food, they may satisfy you momentarily, but eventually guilt is bound to kick-in and you feel worse for the exercise.

For some time now I have been trying to get my head around the "New Christians" movement. (You know them here on MySpace as, "Christian-Other.") It appears they are allowed to drink, fuck, get high, listen to rock 'n' roll (if you can call it that) and so long as they continue to "Praise Him" all is well. Over and over again they suffer guilt and then the cleansing power of divine absolution.

Perhaps that is what my sex life is missing? (I mean, besides the "sex") Could it be that the self-flagellance these New Christians put themselves through with regard to normal, human sexuality imbues it with a weird vitality the rest of us are missing out on?

Could it be they are the modern world's true kinksters?

Or perhaps they are just completely fucked-up?

I'll let you be the judge. What follows are direct quotes from profile pages on BigChurch.com:

"Lover of GOD on fire for HIM desiring same in relationship"

"Let everything that has breath praise THE LORD"

"This is my coming"

"Christ is formed in me"

"Who will be my bone and my flesh?"

"ON FIRE FOR THE LORD!"

"I'm here for reall b'cos I have the fearness of God in my heart"

"To live is Christ, to die is gain"

"Just me enjoying HIM"

"You don't need confidence in yourself, you only need confidence in GOD"

And my personal favorite...

"Christian horselover"

My brief foray in to the world of Christian dating sites is now ended. I have little doubt these lonely women are in need of men. But in my opinion the men they need are not like-minded Christian singles, but rather psychiatrists or cult de-programmers.

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