TO ANYONE WHO HAD TO PUT UP WITH ME LAST NIGHT (THANKS!) (FROM MARCH, 19 2006)

Oyez! Oyez! Citoyen! (That's FRENCH, chumps! The language of international diplomacy.)

So here goes: It's 11:03 Sunday morning and I think I am still sort of drunk. The McLaughlin Group is on, but my head can't take all that yelling. I blame Andy. (Or thank Andy, I'm not sure which is more appropriate.) Andy, I am NOT funnier than you, I'm just funnier than you. Dig?
Last night I went down to the Dragon for Amanda Johnson (ne: Becker's) birthday. I saw a great many people who I really don't encounter as much as I used to. If you are among those people than I will say again that it was a joy to be with all of you. (I can only assume I said it repeatedly last night.)

I made one innocent observation: "You know, Andy. Vodka is the most popular spirit in the United States, yet how often do you see people drinking it straight?"
It was that off-hand comment that would be my undoing. I had three (possibly four) double shots of Stoli and that was three (possibly four) more than I needed. Those of you who know me well know that a few years back when the doctor told me I had an ulcer I sort of swore off liquor and resigned myself to a "beer only" consumption regimen. That has worked pretty well, but occasionally I throw caution to the wind and the results are… well, you saw them last night.

I take some comfort in the fact that I am not a "mean" drunk, but rather a silly, sentimental one. And--as I am slowly sobering as I write this-- I can assure you the sentiment is genuine. The group of people who I had the pleasure of keeping company with last night are of late rarely assembled outside of a wedding or similarly officious occasion. I won't say that it is unfortunate. It's just the way life goes. But goddamn if it wasn't nice to see all of you. And with the exception of those who answered the siren call of SXSW, just about all of my favorite people were in one place last night. And it was a hell of a thing.

OBSERVATIONS MOST RANDOM:

a) I bought my ticket for the Bob Pollard show yesterday. Mark said he hasn't sold that many yet. Who's going with me?

b) Japan beat Korea in the WBC semifinal last night. In light of their shared history, I was kind of pulling for Korea. Also, Ichiro continues to blow my mind. He had what I can only describe as a "drag single" to second base that he beat-out by a fraction of a step. Is anyone not named Nick Thalhuber faster? That said, they highlighted a quote from Ichiro on his desire to demonstrate Japanese dominance--in baseball-- over Korea and Chinese Taipei that was eerily reminiscent of "Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere" rhetoric of the late-nineteenth-early twentieth century . It was fucking creepy.

c) Still On Baseball: Harold Reynolds should kill Tim McCarver and feast on his corpse. Reynolds calls a game like a thing of beauty, yet some asshole somewhere gives all the big games to McCarver. (Dave G. and I have discussed this at some length.) What is to be done?

d) STILL On Baseball: GODDAMN I can't wait to start playing baseball again.

e) On Rock and Roll: While I was watching the game last night I was listening to a live recording of Fred Sonic Smith's Ascension in Detroit, 1973. GODDAMN DO I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL.

f) On Apple Pie: GODDAMN do I love apple pie. What's more, I love MY MOM'S apple pie. Seriously, it's amazing. Is it possible I am the truest example of the red-blooded American to currently tread the earth? FUCK YOU, BILL O"REILLY! FUCK YOU IN THE MOUTH WITH A RUBBER DICK!* (*borrowed from George Carlin, another great American.)

g) Kid Mankato and I are going to Punch Pizza for lunch. Any takers?

h) If any of you actually read this to the end…. Thanks.