So it's been two weeks and I still haven't gotten my voice back yet. I went to the doctor again today and he put me on the Z-Pac and two different kinds of corticosteroids (methylprednisolone pills and a Flovent inhaler.)
So we'll see what Big Pharma can do with this thing.
I appreciate everyone's concern for my health and especially the innovative and wholly original home remedies that have been suggested to me time and time again:
"Have you tried hot tea with honey and lemon?"
What, you mean like hot Echinacea tea with honey and lemon? Hot peppermint tea with honey and lemon? Hot black, green, orange purple and vermillion tea with honey and lemon? Tea of every creed from sea to shining sea by the gulp and by the gallon?
Yes, I have tried hot tea with honey and lemon.
"Have you tried gargling?"
Like with salt water? Like 12 times a day for two weeks until you have exhausted an entire one pound ten ounce canister of nature's finest NaCl and-- like a sailor adrift --are so deranged from the exercise that you are convinced you can see up the yellow dress of the girl on the Morton's Salt label?
Yes, I have tried gargling.
"Have you tried throat drops?"
You mean Hall's? Robitussin? Ricola? Every imaginable variety by the bag and by the bushel until there is a callus on the back of your tongue from where the little fuckers come to rest? Until you never want to SEE another throat drop again?
Yes, I have tried throat drops.
"A humidifier?"
Yes, It's been running 24/7 for days now.
"Lots of fluids?"
Yes! Yes! Yes! Gallons!
What I'm saying is I would have tried the ejaculate of an Andean llama by now if I thought it would work. (I checked with the Chilean consulate, they say it doesn't.)
So hopefully I will have this thing licked soon, but if you see me in the next few days and my voice is still shot, please, please, PLEASE do not suggest I try hot tea with honey and lemon. In
fact, don't suggest anything. Just punch me in the mouth. I haven't tried that yet.
Your (silent) partner,
Brian David Shuey
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3 comments:
Have you tried a hot cup of shut the fuck up with honey and lemon? I hear shut the fuck up is really good for getting your voice back, and the honey and lemon take your mind off of the silence.
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Hi,
Awesome information in your blog. I didn't know so many natural items can benefit my health. I can now understand why I'm seeing so many herbal tea remedies.
Thanks,
Jim
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