ASK MR. SHUEY NO. 7: "METAL MOUTH"

(From May 30, 2007)

Dear Mr. Shuey,

Are adult braces just for total assholes?

I need to know A.S.A.P.

Dana,
St. Paul


Dana,

Adult braces are in no way "just for total assholes." However, the following things are:

The band, MY MORNING JACKET

"Tom's of Maine" toothpaste

The sort of "braces" that skinheads wear

In-Dash car DVD players

Warrantless wiretaps

Outdoor smoking laws

TV Guide


This is not to say that braces aren't a serious decision. Especially since "adult" implies that your parents won't be paying for them.

In almost all cases orthodontics are considered cosmetic, and are not covered by standard dental insurance. Unless your teeth are so misaligned that their primary function (chewing food) is impaired, you'll likely have to pay for them out of your own pocket.

According to The Academy of General Dentistry, the cost of adult braces is anywhere from $4,000 to $9,000. Also, adults need to wear braces for a longer period of time (18 months to three years) than adolescents.

You have three choices when it comes to braces, traditional metal ones, clear ceramic and Invisalign. ™

The clear ceramic sort are often referred to as, "less noticeable." In my experience they always make people look like they have an enormous buildup of plaque on their teeth. On closer inspection one will realize that they are in fact "clear" braces, but by then you have kind of lost your taste for lunch.

Invisalign ™ braces are, according to their literature, "invisible." But my guess is they are the ones in the $9000 range.

I say if you're going to do it, go with the metal ones. They're the least expensive option, and this will show people that your vanity is tempered with a certain amount of prudence.

More than your choice to get braces, what most concerns me is your need to make a decision, "A.S.A.P"

The only cause for such urgency I could come up with is that you are dating an impossibly dull orthodontist-- as opposed the charming and dynamic sort! --and were hoping to take advantage of his skills before dumping him. This would be a mistake, as braces require periodic tightening and adjusting, and those subsequent visits couldn't help but be incredibly awkward.

Best of Luck,

Mr. Shuey


Just for fun, here are some photos of REALLY BAD TEETH:

http://www.strangepersons.com/images/content/101457.jpg

http://www.thegrid.org.uk/learning/science/ks1-2/resources/examples/livingthings/teeth/badteeth.jpg

http://www.mikesjournal.com/October%202006/Bad%20Teeth%201.jpg