DEATH SENTENCE

DEATH SENTENCE

Occasionally I come across what I like to call a "death sentence." I name it thus because the very act of reading it makes me want to hunt down it's architect and KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER.

Here is one from today:

"A soap that multitasks, just like YOU!"

(It's a hand soap that is also an air freshener. The implications are truly revolutionary!)

I honestly don't know how a human being could construct such a sentence and not immediately vomit from self-loathing.

I'm going to find out, though. And I swear on the corpse of Henry Louis Mencken that this person will never see another peaceful night's sleep for what remains of their wretched, pointless little life.

Brian David Shuey


Confidential to Dr. K,
(My dosage may need adjusting. What do you think?)